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Connect the dots….

December 20, 2011 in Asylum Inmates, Inmate: Boots

Okay, so historically I’m not doing too well, these blog posts come sporadically and not in the most consistent manner.

One on the problems with this impending blog was the timeline.  I knew this time would come and kinda built it up so much and pressurised myself into what I expected.  I shouldn’t say this but the subject of this blog also was rather eager to see what I would produce.

As someone I can hand on heart say is one of my best mates I wanted to do him justice. So I include a picture of him that I love and is coincidentally anonymous, which I’m sure is the way he’d prefer to be seen anyway!

Some of you may already know him and recently he’s had some problems with getting himself out there.  As many of us who frequent this portal to the world of perv, so do we also frequent multiple communities where we feel more (or less) at home.

One of the main outlets for many thousands of gear perverts is GearFetish.com and either unwittingly or through neglect has lost this good friend.  It pains me to say it but the treatment my good friend has received is shocking.  After subscribing for the last 8 years or so, he’s been trying to update his account for over 12 months, paying for a sub when actually receiving nothing!

Finally he decided to call it a day, and for someone I know has the patience of a saint (this is said about a lot of people, but none have actually shown such preserve, except him) has tried many times to contact the ‘site owner through several people including ourselves in many mediums but been greeted with silence.

As someone whose subscription is due in less than one calendar month I wonder what will happen to me.  The treatment my friend has got is disgraceful and GF should be ashamed.  It doesn’t take much to say ‘sorry, we’re looking into it’ but for over a year without kicking up a fuss shows just how patient my mate is.

I don’t know if he’d want me to expose his name but I know he will read this and hopefully appreciate me saying something.

He is a fantastic mate and anyone would be enriched by knowing him, not just because of his patience I might add, but because he one of the perviest, generous, and kind people I have ever had the pleasure to know.  I feel lucky to call him friend.

I met him at Bandit2001’s home in November 2003 not long after the Motorcycle show and the meet logistically ran perfectly, with meeting him at the train station on the Saturday morning and the perving didn’t stop until the Sunday afternoon when he left, and the memories are fresh in my mind.  This was possibly a reflection of his near obsession with time keeping which is never considered a bad thing.

I got to try his uber pervy Lazer Revolution helmet, along with my new leathers, boots and gloves.  This helmet had a built-in mask that clipped on before the front chinbar would lock into place and certainly got me horny.  It was a weekend of groping and groaning in biker gear and hazmat plus a bit of rubber plus good food and socialising and getting to know him.

As we met this man early on, he was there to support when Bandit broke up with Bondagebait and we were free to let our relationship bloom.  We have always met him on a regular basis, always spending a weekend with him and our other best mates on the run up to Christmas which was originally titled ‘Pervy Christmas’ and has been a tradition ever since and like with the Bikeshow reminder from 2003 we revisited it again just recently with the same friends (bar one) and it was great to revisit those friendships and take a trip down memory lane.  Some friends join us some years and may return but this year was one of the best.

It’s a great reminder when I get to write these blogs as I can take this wander into time’s gone by and appreciate how friendships have developed.  Friends are the most important thing I can say I have gained over the years, not the masses of gear I’ve carefully selected (though that does certainly have its benefits) but without good friends to keep me sane I’d be nothing.

I admit to making so many friends over the years, some have lost contact, some have found their love life takes over, and some have used us.  I don’t claim to know the perfect balance of being to make that judgement, but I have learnt from who has gone before.  I know to live for the moment and treat everyone how I expect to be treated.

As the Christmas period is less than a week away I’m sure I will no doubt be distracted by family and friends, cooking and shopping and with any luck a whole load of gear and bondage with a pinch of submission…that’s what friends are for….and more….to me a friend is one who never expects, and is always there, to support and listen.  Friendship is given, not taken, and the best example of friends I know and trust.

Take care all, Merry Christmas and a Pervy New Year!!!

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Memory Lane 6 – Bike Show Time!!!

November 25, 2011 in Inmate: Boots

Bike Show Time!!!

November in the UK is the time when it’s always guaranteed to be cold, usually foggy and certainly when the first frosts set in, perfect for the annual motorcycle show! NOT! Many times over the last 8 years I’ve ridden to this show, walked around the NEC arena in leathers and motocross boots and feeling brilliant (though that might have been down to the normals calling us Gimps…honestly I wasn’t wearing a hood!).  At the time of writing this blog, there are two days left for the 2011 show, and this year I went with my hubby and several mates this Monday just gone and we had a great time, a few firsts for me and the others, so it’s always worth going I reckon.

What struck me on the weekend before the show this year (apart from it being a good opportunity for my best mates to visit for Colin (Bandit2001/my Husband’s) birthday) but it also served to remind me it was about 8 years ago that I went to the 2003 Motorcycle show again at the NEC arena and made some of the largest purchases of my life!

I also met for the first time a great mate in the shape of ADLAM97531 who also visited us this past weekend.  Back in 2003 I’d spent several visits to see Bandit2001 at his flat trying on his gear and playing as much as I could on the weekends, and checking out pervy online shops and getting kinky ideas for my own kit.  One image which stuck with us both was a picture of two German pervs in black race leathers, boots, gloves and holding their helmets in their gloved hands, walking away from the camera, holding hands it was so romantic and pervy, and another was kissing in what appeared to be a county park wearing that same iconic gear.

The leathers we discovered was a suit brought out by an Italian manufacturer, called the Dainese T-age.  Searching eBay returned a result of one suit that was at about £300 but was a size 50 which I thought would be too small for me but I kept an eye on it and in the end was relieved to see the auction ended with the suit selling for about £800 which at the time I thought was a rip off for a second-hand suit that probably wouldn’t fit me.

Dejected we went to a local bike shop and tried some suits on, with one Spidi suit in black and silver giving a similar look, and the shop was willing to do a good discount for two suits, but we decided as the bike show was around the corner to wait until afterwards ‘just in case’ we found a t-age, however unlikely at the show.

The bike show coincided with Colin’s birthday this year so Bondagebait encouraged a group of us to descend on his home for a social and head out to the show in a couple of cars with credit cards at the ready.

What started off as a wander around checking out the bikes and trying on gear wherever and feeling naughty for doing so in public took a turn when I after thinking we had checked out every corner of the show I rounded one stand and was faced with a black, anthracite and chrome Dainese T-age! I immediately checked the size and saw again it was a size 50, so I plucked up the courage and asked the clothing assistant if they had a size 54 in stock, to which he replied that they had sold out of size 54’s!  I was gutted beyond belief, but the shop guy continued ‘but if you don’t mind me saying, you’re not a size 54, but a 50 I reckon! We have one out the back you can try’.

I’m not sure if my face said yes or what but I had to find out ASAP if it fitted me. So I accepted and took the suit into the changing room.  It came with an under-suit and back protector which the guy told me to put on too, in order to get the proper sizing.

After several minutes of huffing and struggling to get into the suit I finally managed to get my arms into the sleeves but struggle to do the zips up as they went from the hips up, diagonally to the collar of the suit.  The shop assistant told me to twist and lean forward and he promptly zipped me in.

My boner I was certain was apparent to everyone who cared to look and the shop guy just continued to zip the other zip and encased my body finally in this sexy suit.  He continued his sales talk about hoe the suit would form to my shape and it would get easier to move around in once I’d had it on for a while!  I was happy to stay in it, and Bondagebait took some pictures of me wearing it. 

Our mate ADLAM97531 had the same idea and wanted a T-age so was filling the changing room getting into his own T-age.  Adlam appeared also zipped up in his own suit at which point I was happy inside until I saw Colin’s face.   I knew he really wanted the same suit, but knowing his size 54 wasn’t available, he looked like thunder because he thought he’d be missing out.

I wanted this suit more than anything now and with Adlam we decided to try and get a deal for buying two suits and spending almost £2000 with the store.

I knew Colin was too proud to ask for advice so I pushed him to check with the guy what size he’d be, to which the answer was in fact that he was a size 52 of which they had stock.  Colin’s face immediately changed and he couldn’t wait to get changed into it, and when he appeared from the changing room his eye were bright and happy, I knew then it was fate.

We decided to buy each other’s suit and it would become a sign of our friendship and later become a sign of our love for each other too.

The rest of the show involved finding gear to match my new suit, I was so stoked at finding my dream leathers, the best result I could have hoped for.  I chose black race boots and black race gloves too, plus a silver, white and black Arai helmet as I knew Colin’s Doohan replica fitted me so well, only I tried one size smaller and it fitted for snugly I almost shot my load in my pants!

The day came to a close but what seemed like forever to gather together all my gear we eventually left the show and upon arriving back at Bondagebait’s home, I was encouraged to get all my gear on at the same time.

This would be the first time I’d wear it all together, and as expected I was pushed outside again, and feeling self conscious I was told to sit on Bondagebait’s bike for some more photos.  When I saw the results I simply couldn’t believe it was me in that sexy gear, but it was me, and the gear was all mine too!

That weekend sticks in my mind for several reasons, but most of all for feeling like part of something where I was doing what felt totally right and the ultimate experience I could spend with guys that knew my naughtiest secret, and helped me indulge it, even pushing me to enjoy it even more, and I will never forget that friendship.

Though time reveals who is a true friend, the way I was treated that weekend will always be high on my list of experiences.  Next is to use the gear on a bike…something I am able to experience many times as Bandit2001’s pillion.

Friends are a massive part of my life, without them I would amount to nothing, with my Husband and my closest friends who I trust I wouldn’t be who I am today, but I also have those who have been the pretenders and the fakes, the liars and the downright weird to thank too, as they have made me appreciate the decent folk even more.

I want to keep going but I’ve set a precedent with my previous posts and I feel like I’ve rattled on long enough for now.  I will be talking more about friends and meets, new experiences and the joy of discovering myself shortly, and to those who have been awaiting this instalment, sorry for the wait!

Until next time…ciao for now!

Wruff!

~Boots

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Memory Lane 5 – Meeting Bandit2001

November 5, 2011 in Asylum Inmates, Inmate: Boots

As I said from the beginning; work may get in the way.  Well it’s been three weeks (?) since my last post and I admit it wasn’t just work that got in the way but a good deal of perving too.

Last time I mentioned about my first bondage experience and how liberating it was to try rubber and be played with, but that experience (as good as it was) paled into insignificance compared to my next visit with Bondagebait.

The time leading up to this meet I knew I’d be meeting BB’s bf Bandit2001 who was a kinky biker into rubber, bondage, gasmasks, and loads of other kinky gear.  I never thought anyone so horny would want to meet me, a complete newbie with a small quantity of gear and what I did have was very limited and not particularly pervy.

These guys both had rubber, restraints, hoods and sports bike gear including one piece leathers which I’d always fantasised about since I started my ‘porn’ collection some ten years earlier.

I remember in fact feeling like I WAS buying porn when purchasing bike mags because I was tenting my trackie bottoms in the newsagents!

The weekend came and arriving at BB’s home I turned my car around in the cul-de-sac where he lived and parked my car up outside.  My nerves jangling as I switched the ignition of and pulled myself together.  I looked over toward the house and could see the blue Yamaha R6 that was owned by Bandit and then the front door just behind it started to open.  I thought to myself ‘no backing out now’ took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and got out of my car, locking it behind me.

I felt more at ease as I got inside and was greeted by Bondagebait, who called his bf down to meet me.  I could hear a creaking from behind me as Bandit descended the open plan stairs and when I turned around I saw this man in one piece leathers and Racing Boots offer me a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

I don’t think I stopped looking him up and down, I don’t know if I was beaming a massive smile or slack jawed at this sight of a kinky guy wearing gear I had only been able to imagine from afar.

We all sat down and chatted in BB’s lounge about gear and kinky stuff, including how nice Bandit’s Mick Doohan replica Arai Helmet was when Bandit decided to get up and get changed, leaving his helmet on the carpet in full view.

A few minutes later bandit reappeared with his leathers in his arms and laid them carefully on the floor.  Now more casually attired, he asked if I wanted to try them on. I just looked over at Bondagebait for confirmation and he had a grin on his face and said ‘he won’t ask twice’.

Of course I jumped at the chance and sprung up ready to get geared up, my heart racing.

I was told to strip down to my underwear which I accomplished in moments and then perched on the bottom steps of the stairway Bandit helped me get my feet down the legs of his still warm leather suit.

I was taken aback by how loose they felt to begin with and how the lining made it difficult to get my legs in.  There was an art to putting leathers like these on but on this occasion I was so excited to get into this all encompassing suit I ended up inserting my foot into the pockets meant for the armour instead.

Eventually my socked feet appeared and after standing up I could pull the rest of the suit up.  Feeding my arms into the sleeves one by one I was almost fully in.  Bandit cupped my crotch and took the zipper tab and started to finally enclose me in his race leathers.  I felt amazing!!  The leathers felt quite tight and very protective, this gave me a raging hard-on and my heart was racing of course!

Bandit grabbed his hi-tech Alpinestars boots and told me to step in whilst he held them open.  I slid my foot in and was instantly surprised by how comfortable they felt; as he cinched the internal lacing up and zipped them closed they again hugged my lower limbs wonderfully.  On with the other boot and Bandit turned to me ‘I’ve not let anyone else wear my helmet but I’m going to make an exception for you today’ and handed me the gorgeous looking race replica full face helmet.

I took the lid from him by the chinstraps, my throat dry with expectation and pulled it up to put it on when he stopped me and told me to move back as I was stood under the low hanging light fitting.  A couple of steps back and I was clear to become helmeted.  I pulled the Arai on and as it slid into place I felt so very much at home yet flushed with an amazing feeling of being protected and safe in this gear.  Bandit reached under the helmet and fastened the chinstrap which made me even more horny as I realised I didn’t actually know how to undo it; I was effectively trapped in this helmet now which in itself made my cock throb.

Bandit then handed me one of his matching gloves for me to put on and as I pulled it on he pulled the wrist strap tight and repeated again with the other hand.

As I was distracted Bondagebait was snapping pics of me getting geared up and once finished I did a few poses loving every second of it.  Next thing I knew I was being led to the front door!!

And yep, I was wearing this mega horny gear with a raging hard-on and now being led outside where normal people could see me!  I didn’t want to expose myself like this but BB and Bandit assured me that I look normal.  They told me I’m just a biker about to go out and sit on a bike.

The door opened up and they forced me to step outside first.  My heart was racing and I was thinking someone would see me and think ‘things’.  Bandit followed behind and led me up to his bike and put the key in the ignition.

He told me to get onto the bike and they would take some more pictures of me outside in full biker gear.  After about 15 minutes of sitting on the bike looking like a proper biker on a sexy bike, in sexy gear feeling abso-fuckin’-lutely brilliant we went back into the house.

I was positively shaking with adrenalin and I really didn’t want to take this gear off, but Bondagebait had other things in mind.

After peeling the gear off me, we talked about a bondage session involving all three of us with me being the one to be tied up on the bed.  Spread eagled all four limbs would be roped to each corner of the bed with me in the rubber catsuit, tall boots and a blindfold.  I was soon geared up appropriately and restrained to the bed.

Bandit joined us soon afterwards in a rubber surfsuit, motocross boots, plus a collar and gasmask and started to rub my body all over.

The session lasted for what felt to me like five minutes but was more like two hours, where BB roped up my cock and balls in several ways polishing my helmet and making me squirm so much he had to tell me to calm down as I could injure myself.  Bandit was also snogging me deeply and give me stubble rash too, but I didn’t care!  I was being topped by two sexy guys wearing kinky gear and I was about to shoot my load.

I spurted again like a jet to a chorus of “whoah!!” from both Bondagebait and Bandit2001 as I shot my balls-full of semen across myself and almost hit the headboard yet again.

I was exhausted from all the effort I’d put into struggling on the bed but I also felt and amazing sense of unity with these two men.  I’d not felt so at peace with myself before.  Most times I’d wanked myself off to pictures of men in gear or by myself imagining exactly this sort of situation I’d always felt some guilt of being ‘different’.  Now though I was in the company of two hot guys who thought the same as me.

We cleaned up the room after playing and chilled out downstairs again for a short while and had some food and enjoyed each others’ company for the rest of the evening, talking about pervy things and just chilling out.

I slept on my own that night but I felt great and slept very soundly.

The next day brought more new experiences in the shape of more gear.  It was suggested that Bandit should go to the local shops to pick up some food and milk and that maybe he could take a pillion.  At which point my eyes widened as they both looked at me and worked out the logistics.

I was to now wear Bondagebait’s gear for the ride but considering I’d never been on a bike in motion before this was going to be a new and exciting experience.

We both got geared up and had some more pictures taken and then headed outside.  Again I felt that surge of excited nervousness of being seen.  Bandit started his bike up and I almost jumped backwards as it had an aftermarket exhaust which was a lot louder than I was expecting.  I was directed to get on the tiny pillion pad and I had to virtually bend myself in half to get my booted feet on the high pegs.

BB took even more pictures of us and with a blast of revs we took off toward the shops.  Round the corners I was as rigid as a corpse because it was slightly wet and I really didn’t know how to act on the back of the bike with my gloved hands wrapped tightly around my leathered up rider.

We eventually reached the shops moments down the road and I realised then that the huge supermarket still had hundreds of people going to it and as Bandit pulled up right next to the entrance he told me to stay put and keep my helmet on as he wouldn’t be long.

For about ten minutes feeling incredibly conspicuous with everyone who walked past seemingly looking at me and there was me trying to look nonchalant Bandit returned and directed me to turn around so he could put the groceries in the backpack I was wearing like some kind of harness.

The feeling of being so observed by general members of the public yet my identity hidden inside the full face helmet was again an experience I won’t forget in a hurry!

When we got back to the house we had lunch and it was time for one last play.  I was told to strip and handed a pair of rubber shorts.  I was directed to the corner and told to sit on a folded up duvet where my wrists and ankles were put into heavy leather restraints and clipped to a spreader bar.  A gasmask was strapped to my face and some poppers were held against my air intake valve. 

After taking a deep breath and letting the poppers take effect my cock was raging inside the rubber codpiece of the shorts.

Bandit appeared in some tight black all leathers and was then roped into a harness and restrained to the bed.  I was forced to watch as Bondagebait topped Bandit whilst I was restrained in the corner.

Eventually Bandit made a mess too and I was told to wank myself off to which I duly did as BB played with my nipples (which I didn’t find helped at all) and gave me more poppers.  I shot quite quickly but not as much as the previous day.

Bondage bait released us both and we got cleaned up.  Afterwards there wasn’t much time left so we just had a quick chat and a cup of tea and talked about how much we enjoyed the weekend.  BB told me he would be in touch to arrange something soon and I couldn’t wait to do it all over again.

My relationship with both these men continued for a while longer and whilst I only really played with Bondagebait once more my friendship with Bandit2001 grew into something else.

Ok, I’ve really rattled on this time, mostly because the experience I talk about here was a major turning point in my life because this was the moment that I met my now Husband of 8 years whom I love so very dearly and who I wholeheartedly dedicate my life to.  Thank you Hubby for making so many dreams come true and a Happy Anniversary!!

For the rest of you, I hope you tune in (hopefully) next week provided work doesn’t get in the way, but if perving does (and it may very well do if plans go ahead as expected) I’m sure you’ll understand!

Ciao for now pervs!

~Boots

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Memory Lane 4 – My first ‘proper’ bondage experience

October 15, 2011 in Asylum Inmates, BDSM, Gear, Inmate: Boots, Rubber

Memory Lane 4 – My first ‘proper’ bondage experience.

So last week I was talking about my first foray into actually interacting online and setting up profiles and eventually meeting a guy for a drink which turned into a micro bondage session with no real sexual gratification involved.

When I got home I felt like I would be found out, I’d get a stern talking to and the fact I must be safe and yada yada yada… I kept thinking back to that feeling of giving up a little control to a guy I’d never met before was very intense, like a dream almost, something that I’d fantasised about so frequently and maybe even dreamed had actually happened.  I remember the sensations as the wrist straps were firmly velcro’d shut and then clipped together through my steering wheel.  It gave me a taste and a yearning to find out more, with my goal of trying rubber out somehow….but I have no idea how I can achieve that.

I ‘adjusted’ my profiles now, talking openly about how I had little experience but that I really wanted to try bondage and rubber, loved gasmasks and full coverage.  I was certain that if I got some interested parties with my previous incarnation that now someone would surely get in touch.

Hours went by and nothing happened, some messages back and forth to Mark thanking him and arranging to meet again, but in the back of my head I didn’t think he would be able to give me what I really wanted…we didn’t click, his attitude was all wrong and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I kept my online presence going and met another guy ‘Andrew’ who I clicked with immediately.  He was funny, cool, the same age as me, loved cars (so did I at the time) and socialised with his gay mates.

He met up with me and we chatted for hours on end about all sorts of stuff, I thought I was falling in love…I didn’t expect this…only one problem, we weren’t sexually compatible, he was a complete bottom and I had no desire to top.  After several games nights we would end up back at his and chat about general stuff, but one night we got to talking about bondage, and my heart was about to be broken when I was told ‘I think we have such a great friendship now, why ruin it by getting involved?’ and I felt my world crumble….

I kept my search on and discovered a site called ‘Blackline’ which was yet another dating website for pervs and I now easily setup my own profile, with pictures and text just copied from my maskedmen profile.

Sure enough within moments I got a message from a kinky Biker called Bandit2001….

Meanwhile my profile on Maskdmen got a response, a bondage top called Bondagebait messaged me offering some friendly advice and wanted to know more.  I asked Bondagebait about his BF and he told me he was a biker who he’d been seeing for a while and he was going by the ID Bandit2001.

I am not making this up, my first thought was I was being set up; both guys from this couple contact me virtually at the same time.  Like some kind of sign I took this as something positive and decided to go for it when asked to meet up with Bondagebait.

My response was enthusiastic and led me to ask plenty of questions of this apparently experienced kinky bondage top.  Not really my cup of tea looks wise but not bad overall and his demeanour certainly made me feel at ease.

My decision was to meet him and see where it went.  I visited his home and just chilled out in his well kept living room chatting about life and hobbies.  He broached the subject of bondage and the kinky stuff and I told him I wasn’t very experienced, not really knowing what I wanted but I was willing to try most things except the hardcore pain and dirty stuff.

When he suggested we go upstairs to try some stuff out my heart began to race, especially when he mentions his BF had left his rubber catsuit there and he didn’t mind me trying it out.  My pulse must have raced and my face flushed as I knew I wanted to try it out so badly.  Along with some tall lace up boots, he would see how I liked some anal play and bondage.

I started off very nervous, getting the rubber catsuit talced up to ease my entry into this rubber skin, pulling the red football socks up and the 14 hole boots leant to me by my top for the evening.

I was held by the hands and told I didn’t have to go through with it, so I guess my outer look of fear wasn’t reflecting how I truly felt.  I was excited but still a little scared, my cock wasn’t responding how I thought it would.  I just told myself to relax and let Bondagebait guide me.

My legs were tied apart and then I was guided to stand up.  After placing my wrists in restraints and clipping them together, my top lay behind me on the bed and unzipped my crotch zip and with some lube started to gently massage my hole.

Considering I have never tried any anal play up to this point, I felt it was uncomfortable and all I wanted to do now was escape and go sit on the loo, but my top controlled me and helped me relax more as he fed more fingers in and worked my sphincter more.

After what felt like half an hour, though it was probably just five minutes, the anal onslaught finished and Bondagebait let me sit back down and relax.

We talked about the experience and asked if I still wanted to try some more bondage but without the anal play.  I agreed to stay in the catsuit and boots and I was spread out to the four corners of the bed and tied down.

Bondagebait expertly restrained me and kept me calm and it all had the desired effect and the blood rushed to my penis making it rock hard and evidently very touchable.

My top played with me for ages, tickling my ribs and humping me in his rubber surf suit.  I felt powerless and incredibly horny and the feelings of doubt I had earlier when he had his digits inside me vanished in seconds.

My cock was throbbing and begging for attention.

I was eventually allowed to cum, after struggling too much and being told I could injure myself pulling on my restraints so much I relaxed and gave in.  I shot my load big time.  I covered myself in spunk, so much so that Bondagebait couldn’t believe how much semen was coming out, jet upon jet, upon jet of hot white sticky cum covered me and the bed up to the headboard.

After I was released Bondagebait told me he’d never seen someone cum so much.  I was just filled with that hazing happy feeling and with a large amount of exhaustion I padded to the bathroom to have a bath and get changed.

The night was coming to an end as we sat downstairs again chatting and discussing our next possible meeting.  Bondagebait suggested I come over and meet his Boyfriend the next time, and I simply jumped at the chance thinking of this leather sports biker who had a hot body and cute face (from what I could make out from one single pic of him with his visor up) and loved his gear.

I couldn’t wait to meet them both; I was going to have the best time of my life!

Going back home was a reality check though; I’d lied and said I was going elsewhere, to which my parents believed, and it was back to normal for the time being.

As I’d told some of my existing friends about my sexuality and they also let it slip out they did some kinky stuff, I felt I just had to tell them about my meet to which they advised against it, but at the end of the day it was my choice.  It was and I took the bull by the horns!

I’m so glad I did….but to find out why, you’ll have to tune in next week!

Ciao for now!

~Boots

 

 

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Memory Lane 3 – The internet is for porn

October 9, 2011 in Inmate: Boots

Memory Lane 3 – The internet is for porn.

One of the comments from last week hit the nail on the head, the internet changed everything….including puppet shows :-p

For me I ‘only’ got my first PC in the year 2000 when I returned to university and became distracted in the stolen moments between working on my projects and also holding down a part-time job at a video rental store, for the next few years I’d spend most of my evenings looking for the kind of porn I thought was unique to me and a select few other people out in the WWW.

I would stay up way too late using search engines looking for ‘rubber bondage’ as it was the one ultimate thing I could think of to search for to satisfy my carnal lust for things pervy.  I remember back a year or two earlier seeing a documentary on an English reporter who made this film about a place for fetishists to visit and let their imaginations run wild.  A lot of it covered what I would call tame now, but the majority of it didn’t involve enough gear.  That was until one particular businessman was interviewed who brought with him his full coverage rubber suit, and was then treated to some bondage and breath control which turned me on like nothing else I’d ever seen before. The name I then discovered for this act was ‘rubber bondage’ and hence forth my search for gear with purpose was born!

One of the first websites I found which I didn’t automatically have to pay for was by a man called Bostoncuir.  His photos depicted lots of heavy bondage in rubber and leather, most of which really got my vote, which usually ended up in a rope of semen shooting across my desk.  The pictures from that site ended up on my hard drive of course and over the next few months I’d spend my last minutes of every day imagining how it would feel to be in those photos.

I would enjoy the pictures a lot but somehow still manage to convince myself I just wanted to be in that gear but still have a meaningful relationship with a nice girl, settle down and have a family of my own.  Trying to find straight fetish websites was a real chore and those that I found were always paid entry, and on my wages I could barely afford to live let alone splash out on porn….at least not porn I could guarantee was gonna hit the spot.

Maybe this could be attributed to my sexuality, the only free porn for me was gay, but I digress, what little straight fetish porn I could find didn’t turn me on in the same way, but for years I would convince myself I was completely heterosexual.

The time I spent online looking at pictures helped me work a lot of stuff out in my own head.  Spending so much ‘me-time’ as I did back then locked in my bedroom enjoying the pictures and the stories about BDSM and gear the more I wanted it and the more I knew I wanted to play and be played with by another man, but I was straight…wasn’t I?

One night laying in bed I felt very alone and thought about all the years of being picked on at school for being gay, I was so determined for these bullies who constantly taunted me and pushed me about, making me feel worthless from the age of about 8 to leaving school at 18, to not be right about me.  I thought it wasn’t an option, but now laying there I thought I’m now even less able to make a relationship work because I was also a freak who wanted to be tormented by men in kinky rubber and leather gear, forcibly gear me up and restrain me that I started considering ending it all, I couldn’t see a way out…

That is incredibly hard for me to admit.  It wasn’t the first time I’d had thoughts like that, but this time was simply because I didn’t feel I could go on, rather than trying to reach out.  Though I never made any moves to physically harm myself, the thoughts were scary enough on their own and my upbringing in the Roman Catholic Church also reminded me what a selfish act it would have been.

My thoughts that night stick firm in my head, I remember the layout of my bedroom, the colour of the walls, even the colour and feel of my bed sheets.  It wasn’t the thoughts that I just had that make it stand out though, it was the one’s I was about to have.  I asked myself, ‘are you gay?’, ‘why is it so bad to like men?’, ‘fuck what everyone else thinks and wants you to be, what do you think?’

After a moment’s hesitation I thought…

I’m gay! I like men, I love the male form, I want cock not those other bits! ‘Fucking hell!!’ I thought to myself, I’m gay, and do you know what? It feels good, scrub that! This is the best feeling in the world!!  The weight on my shoulders lifted immediately, like a cloud, as mist or fog filtering all the goodness of the world from me, it was gone. I could see so clearly now, like someone had turned the colour up on the world, I wasn’t confused anymore.  I was still me, but I liked men, it was a sexual preference not a lifestyle choice, how could I have been so stupid for so long?

I went from fooling myself into thinking I could do it all and please everyone, when I hadn’t considered the most important person….me….to realising my true place in the world and accepting it.  There was no in between bi-sexuality phase for me.  I’m glad I’m gay, I have no doubts in my mind this could be the wrong decision, and I know that isn’t how everyone sees it, but for me I’m 110% homo.

I set about wasting no time now, I had to start enjoying my life and telling those I did care about the truth about me, my discovery of who I really am.  I didn’t want to hide this, I wanted them to understand and feel the joy I felt as finally understanding who I am.

Shortly after this I had finally plucked up the courage to buy my own proper gas mask, an S10 which I’d seen many times online and also being the subject of that newspaper clipping my mum found years before, I knew it was the one for me.  I used an excuse to drive up to Derby which at the time was about 60 miles away, just to buy this mask, and an NBC suit.

I continued my search via the links pages of the known and bookmarked personal websites, such as Bostoncuir, Hooder, Snoopy, Bikerbandits and Mortice Deadlock.  Some links would bring me out to other personal spaces on the web, whilst others would lead to profiles…

One of the first profiles I found was on a ‘site called Gaydar.  The fetish content I saw turned me on, however more links to other profiles lead me to thinking about setting up my own profile.  I eventually set myself up on Gaydar using a combination of letters and numbers as my id. 

Over time I’d chat with people and I also set up a profile on Yahoo messenger where I settled on a name which I thought summed me up at the time, ‘Cherubbsub’ as I’d been told I looked so innocent like someone much younger than my 26 years suggested and that I desired to be submissive.

I procrastinated for ages about exposing myself to the world, thinking this step was one too far and I’d forever be worrying about being found out. I found courage to email Hooder and tell him what my thoughts were, how hot I thought his stories and his pictures were.  The excitement I had when he replied to me was mind blowing and that gave me the motivation to make my own profile.

I set up a profile on Maskedmen.com as my search for profile ‘sites lead me to think this was the most appropriate for me considering how much of a headgear freak I was/and still am.  It is my first gear love and will always be a huge part of me.

My profile was basic, a few sentences saying I was new, and wanted to try bondage.  I had no pictures and really didn’t expect anyone to message me.  All I wanted to do at the time was look at profiles, wank over pictures and see what I liked and where I could go to have some fun…..at least in my imagination, never did I think I could actually stand a chance of meeting someone as twisted as me.

The next day when I got home I checked my inbox on maskedmen.com and a guy who lived about 25 miles north of me got in touch saying he thought we shared a lot of interests and would I like to meet up for a drink.

My heart pounded out of my chest and I admittedly was scared out of my wits, hands shaking but at the same time loving how new and exciting it was to be in contact with another person, a guy, who wanted to meet me and get to know me.  I replied to him with a nervous tone and (if memory serves me correctly) I agreed to a coffee in his home town and take it from there.

The day came, I had a half day from Uni and I drove the 25 miles to meet this stranger for a drink in the afternoon.  I was so incredibly nervous as I approached the coffee shop and kept a look out for this guy who I’d only seen a photo of so far.  I loitered around the outside of the coffee shop and almost changed my mind when he appeared and asked my name.  I replied ‘Mark?’ thinking it was such a stereotypical name that it could easily be a pseudonym.

I went in with him and I had a chat and a drink.  Drinking what I honestly don’t remember, what we talked about too is not something I can really say has stuck in my mind.  What did stick was what happened afterwards…

We went back to where my car was parked in an underground lot and we sat and chatted some more, I remember that some of what he said turned me and he saw my boner tenting my camo pants, when he produced a set of neoprene and Velcro wrist restraints.

My eyes must have lit up as he looked to me and asked if I wanted to try them, so I smiled, said ‘sure’ and offered my left wrist first, then my right and he clipped a d-ring spring clip to one and hooked it through the steering wheel to the other.

Though I wasn’t locked in, I had my first feeling of control by another man…

I’m going to leave it there for this week, the internet still rules as this blog is very much confirmation of that, I hope you find something in my writings as I am revealing a lot of personal stuff about me to anyone who cares to read this, my hope is you can look at me now and understand me as more of a whole, rather than an unattainable pervert.

Until next time!

~Boots

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Memory Lane 2 – Teens to Noughties

October 5, 2011 in Inmate: Boots

After a brief hiatus where the inevitable boring stuff known as work and other life ‘stuff’ distracted me from my weekly contribution I have felt the inspriation return once more to tell you about more of my life until now.  Sorry for the gap, feel free to punish me somehow ;-)…please :D

My last trip down memory lane involved me dredging the depths of my early perversions and not fully understanding them, this time I’m forced to think about the time following that where I would repeat previous ideas and revel in being more adventurous and then end that experimental stage when I discovered the internet.  Not to say the internet killed my ideas but because there was so much new and exciting stuff to discover!

After my trips to the local army surplus store, most of my gear purchases revolved around knitted 2-hole SAS style balaclavas, ski or snowboard gloves (which HAD to have a substantial wrist strap) and boots.

I’d visit the local motorcycle shop and tell them stories of how my dad had asked me to check out helmets as he was getting a bike again and I could go pillion.  I’d often dream of plucking up the courage to actually buy one, but I think the boner I’d get was more of a negative than a  positive as for most of the time I still didn’t really understand why I had this fascination with what I now know as gear.

Most of the items I struggled to buy brand new and therefore I accepted the gear as gifts from friends who unknown to them I would be using it in a different way to the fabricated elaborate back-story I’d tell them.

I managed to find myself being woken up one morning to my mum wondering why I was wearing ski gloves in bed….I think that experience has somehow affected my ability to sleep geared up…I simply can’t get to sleep.  The only way I’ve managed to wear gear to sleep in was when I was slipped a sleeping tablet whilst in a smooth skin wetsuit…but more of that tale another time.

During my late teens I’d get distracted with other activities like getting drunk and stoned which I’m glad to say I don’t bother with now…too many years sat vegging out and laughing at crap and then getting the munchies.  My first year of University I went from clean cut boy next door (with a kinky secret) to a dope head who couldn’t think of anything else….peer pressure is not a good thing.

I didn’t complete my first year of Uni and then went to work in a warehouse where I found even more dope heads and I didn’t really improve my life.  Instead I was stagnating in a dead-end job and socialising with people I didn’t really like.  I now know the drugs were a substitute for a lot of who I am now.

I managed to convince myself that buying my first gasmask was a brilliant idea and I felt the need to yet again come up with an excuse at the army surplus store.  I have hayfever and was due to go to Glastonbury Festival 1999 so I bought it under the pretence that I’d be wearing it to combat the pollen…not encourage the hormone!  I did take it to Glasto’ but I didn’t wear it in public…or even dared to in private considering all I had in the way of privacy was a thin layer of canvas.

The gasmask got used a few times, and as I’d been exposed to poppers a couple of years beforehand, I tried inhaling them in the mask and they blew my head off…

I tried taking up snowboarding and of course this was the perfect opportunity to buy some kickass snowboard gloves and boots.  Sadly I could only afford the gloves, but they seemed to make a difference to me and the rental boots weren’t bad.  I’d love to try ‘boarding again, but other hobbies take precedence these days, but the longing is definitely there.

A lot of my money during the nineties would go on magazines. No, not porn (at least not in the normal sense) but motorcycle magazines, snowboard, paintball, and car magazines (especially if even just one page had a picture of a driver behelmetted) and I’d dream of being able to do the things pictured.  Of course the biker mags proved to be the most thumbed and often the most stained ones too.

After years of doing the same things day in and day out, becoming a shell of my former self always with dreams of better things I decided to go back to University.  I made the enquiries and enrolled three years after I left.  Determined to not get distracted again I decided to commute instead of living on campus.

My parents knew of my troubled social activities and didn’t want to show any disappointment in me, but when I said I was returning to Uni, they supported my decision and bought me a computer to do some of my work on….this of course, opened up to me the as yet undiscovered World Wide Web…

 As I planned to write my next installaton about my first steps onto the interwebs I shall cut it here and see you in a week(ish)

~Boots